i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
