Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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