the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
