Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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