So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Vodka?
Forever.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
