I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
