After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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