he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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