I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
