Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
