Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
