Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
