I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
is wine microwaveable?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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