He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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