Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
