Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
