I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
