Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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