i was born a porn star she said
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
