Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
