For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
