I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
