Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
