I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
