Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
