Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
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I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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