If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
