I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
