i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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