Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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