Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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