If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
