i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
