i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
