How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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