He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
