yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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