There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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