K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
