Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
