My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
