totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
