I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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