I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
