She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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