would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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