Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize