that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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