evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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