Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
