a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
