I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
