Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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