He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have already put on my inside pants.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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