Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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