I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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