I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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