Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
