uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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