saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
