Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
