shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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