Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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