I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
