I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
