Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't think brook has ever known best
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
