Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
