last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
