i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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