i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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