:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
