my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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