Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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