were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
