remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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