You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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