dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
