yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
