make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
