it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
