You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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