the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
