Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
