so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
