Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
