The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize