how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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